Dr Squeaky

        Dr Squeaky hated his nickname, but he had to admit that it was deserved. Every time he walked anywhere, he squeaked. He'd tried all sorts of remedies, from hopping on one foot to putting spoons in his socks, but none of them ever worked.
        It was most embarrassing when he visited his patients. "I don't expect you can cure me," they'd say. "After all, you can't even stop yourself from squeaking." This made Dr Squeaky very glum.
        Because he squeaked, Dr Squeaky always wore the same pair of shoes. They fitted well, and he thought that the squeaking didn't sound quite so loud as it might if he wore newer shoes. And so it was that one day, as he walked squeakily past the town hall, the Mayor opened the door.
        "Hello, Dr Squeaky," said the Mayor. "I heard you squeaking outside just now, and I think I know how to stop the noise."
        "I do hope so," replied Dr Squeaky. "It's very annoying."
        "Come inside," said the Mayor. "Sit down next to the fire, and take off your shoes."
        Dr Squeaky didn't know what the Mayor's plan was, but he did as he was told.
        "I think you'll find," said the Mayor, picking up the shoes, "that it's these old things that are the problem."
        "No no no!" shouted Dr Squeaky, but it was too late! The Mayor had thrown the old, good-fitting shoes onto the fire.
        "It wasn't your feet that squeaked at all," grinned the Mayor. "It was your shoes!"
        "You idiot!" bellowed Dr Squeaky. "I'm a doctor, and I know it's my feet. I have very severe arthritis. Those shoes made no noise at all, and now you've burned them!" To show he was right, he moved his feet. They squeaked, louder than ever.
        The Mayor was grinning, still, but he didn't look very happy.
        Dr Squeaky was so angry that he stood up and punched the Mayor very hard in the mouth.

So

Dr Squeaky still hates his nickname, but Mayor Toothless hates his nickname even more.

Illustration by Roy Bartle
Image size: approx. 40K.